July 23rd, 2009 cate
“1. He makes snide jokes at your expense. Although boorish and rude, the occasional zinger isn’t an automatic ticket to the Abusers Hall of Fame.
But aiming poison barbs in your direction and then brushing it off – like “Can’t you take a joke?” – shows a lack of respect. “It’s a sign of emotional distancing, which can very quickly turn into abuse,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., (aka Dr. Gilda), an advice columnist on Match.com and author of He’s Not All That (Collins).
Emotional abuse can become physical with very little notice. Just ask Aimee, 41, of San Francisco, who was in an abusive relationship for eight years – while working at a battered women’s shelter! It was so subtle, says Aimee (whose name was changed to protect her privacy). “It went from unhealthy to pathological in such tiny increments that I accepted every little increment completely.”
By the time it crossed over into physical abuse, “I couldn’t name it. I was in absolute denial,” she says.
2. The relationship is on the fast track. He’s infatuated with you and is already talking commitment. But slow down. A light-speed lothario often has something to hide, says relationship therapist Joyce Morley-Ball, Ed.D. (aka Dr. Joyce).
If he’s quick to say “I love you” and soon makes plans for moving in, getting married and having a baby, he may be trying to lock up the relationship before you can see what he’s really about.
He knows you’re less likely to leave him after you get involved, she says.
3. Nothing is ever his fault. That speeding ticket? The cop had it in for him. The job he lost? The boss had a grudge against him. The promotion he didn’t get? The woman who did must have been sleeping with the boss. Maybe your guy has the worst luck ever. Or consider this: The man who never takes responsibility for any of his actions may be quick to blame you when he ultimately loses control of his temper – and his fists. “If you hadn’t done _____, I wouldn’t have hit you.”
If he can get you to believe it’s your fault, he’s off the hook in his mind. So take notice of his blame list – you could be next.
4. You’re always making excuses for his behavior. He’s tired. He had a hard week. He’s under a lot of pressure. He’s only like that when he’s had too much to drink. Sure, these excuses may explain the rare social gaffe and could, in fact, be true. But if you’re regularly trying to explain away rude, violent or disrespectful behavior, you could be emotionally abused.
“There’s this wall of denial that we put up when we’re in a relationship, and we all do it to some extent,” Sugg says. “But you shouldn’t have to explain away someone else’s behavior.”
It’s just like a slap in the face, she says. “How many of those slaps would you take?”
5. You bend over backward so he doesn’t get upset.
Are you walking on eggshells because of his hair-trigger temper that erupts for everything big (a blown deal) to small (his beer warm)?
See the other signs of abuse
November 24th, 2008 cate
This playful, user-friendly guide to macrobiotics has become a well-loved classic (over 180,000 copies sold). A favorite repeat seller in natural food stores and alternative health care clinics, it has been used a textbook for college classes in Holistic Health, and as a handbook for nutritional counselors training at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition in New York City.
Much more than recipes, The Self-Healing Cookbook gives fresh, heartwarming support to anyone aiming to prevent or recover from diet-related moods and health symptoms. A starter shopping list, food-mood charts, self-healer’s workbook, and healing foods glossary are included. Along with a wealth of wisdom on how to eat locally, think globally, cook with the seasons, lose weight naturally and nourish growing kids.
Word-of-mouth has carried this book to Great Britain, Canada, Singapore, Israel, and Australia. Over 21,000 copies have sold in the Japanese edition. In April, 2002, it will be published in Brazil, in a Portuguese edition. We’d love to hear from international readers where else it has found a home in your kitchens.
Get it now: The Self-Healing Cookbook: Whole Foods To Balance Body, Mind and Moods
September 22nd, 2008 cate
With the U.S. banks and other financial institutions going to pot, it’s pretty depressing and hell, I just don’t want to think about it anymore. Take a break with me to stop thinking about the American decline of power, by watching a funny movie. There’s nothing better than escapism and lots of laughs to get away from the stresses of life. Check out these movies. You just can’t go wrong with this kooky guy.
August 11th, 2008 cate
Sorry to remind you about the fall and winter coming up but it’s a good time to plan how you’ll try to stay fit during the months when the weather is so horrible out, that you don’t (or can’t) get into your car to go to the gym.
My best solution for this situation so far is this Elliptical Trainer, which I absolute adore and if I didn’t have it, I’d gain approximately 30 pounds during those harsh, cold winter months where all you want to do is eat comfort food. This way, you can eat your comfort food but work it off. And remember, exercise is a great way to fight depression, that can sometimes creep in your life during these months. Just eliminate that whole SADD process. How awesome is that?
More about Elliptical Trainers
Elliptical trainers represent the next wave of advancement in low-impact cardiovascular exercise machines and continue to grow in popularity. By simulating motions experienced through walking, stepping, cycling, and skiing, elliptical machines allow for a smooth and fluid motion while building strength in the arms and legs. Similar to the exercise position for treadmills, elliptical trainers are used by standing in an upright position while holding the handrails of the machine. With elliptical trainers, however, your feet remain in the foot pedals throughout the exercise regimen and circulate in a smooth and seamless motion, resulting in little to no impact on the knees, back, and hips.
Elliptical trainers are compatible for all ages and fitness levels and allow you to select the difficulty level through the incline and intensity settings. Additionally, elliptical trainers allow you to determine the complexity of your workout based on your needs, all while listening to music, watching television, or reading a magazine while exercising in the comfort and safety of your own home.
Although different types of elliptical trainers offer an assortment of features, many of them include an array of challenging programs, forward and reverse directional movement, EKG grip pulse handles, a lightweight portable design with easy fold-up capability, and a monitor displaying calories burned, distance, speed, time, and heart rate. Other types of exercise machines, namely treadmills and bikes, offer excellent cardiovascular exercise and muscular training for the legs in a forward-motion exercise. Elliptical trainers take this to the next level by offering an upper and lower body workout with dual motion, challenging and diverse programs, and a low-impact exercise machine that won’t strain sensitive joints.
See photos and find out more about getting in shape
July 24th, 2008 cate
Research has shown that married people tend to have fewer sleep problems than those who are divorced. But it turns out the quality of the marriage is important, too. New research out of the University of Pittsburgh indicates that happily married women had fewer troubles falling asleep, staying asleep, fewer early morning awakenings and more restful sleep compared with unhappily married women.
Being With Baby
Most new parents lose shut-eye waiting for their babies to learn to sleep through the night. But new research from Penn State University shows that parents’ sleep and their satisfaction with the infant’s night-time behavior was worse when the infants spent any part of the night with parents vs. those who slept apart. This was true even of parents who endorsed the concept of co-sleeping with their babies.
Are worries about cancer keeping you up at night? New research out of the Brooklyn Health Disparities Center at SUNY Downstate Medical Center and Long Island University in Brooklyn shows that a significant number of women worried about cancer, none of whom had a history of a physician-diagnosed cancer, had trouble sleeping.
A Sleep Disorder
In cases of sleep apnea, the throat is blocked during sleep, preventing sufficient air flow to the lungs. The blockage may be caused by the relaxation of the throat muscles, too much fatty tissue in the throat–an obesity-related problem–or a naturally small airway. The condition leads people to snore as well as temporarily stop breathing during sleep, causing them to momentarily awaken.
Sleep patterns change as we age. Health experts say that between the ages of 50 and 60, people tend to sleep lighter and wake up more frequently. More trouble falling asleep is also a common complaint. Some sleep disruption is also due to the pain or discomfort of chronic illnesses, such as arthritis, that affect the aging population.
While poor sleep can contribute to heart disease, poor heart health also can upset your night’s sleep. According to research reported in the Harvard Heart Letter in 2007, people with heart failure may wake up due to breathing troubles, a result of fluid buildup in the lungs. Some people may also experience angina or chest pain, atrial fibrillation and palpitations at night, which can disturb sleep.
A hectic daily schedule can wreak havoc on your ability to get a good night’s sleep, particularly if you don’t make time to decompress for a half hour or an hour before climbing into bed. Most people need to spend some time processing what’s happened during the day and planning for the next to help them wind down.
Depression And Anxiety
It’s estimated that 40% to 50% of people with insomnia also have depression or an anxiety disorder. New research out of the Centers of Pediatric Sleep Disorders at the University of Rome La Sapienza shows the connection is present in children, too. A study looking at more than 100 children ages 7 to 11 who had a major depressive disorder and 200 of their healthy peers showed that 82% of the depressed, medication-free children had trouble sleeping, vs. 5% of the control group.
One option for people dealing with depression is to take selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), antidepressants that affect serotonin levels. But the medications can cause insomnia, a double whammy considering that many people who face depression already have difficulties sleeping. If you’re having trouble sleeping, it might be worth it to talk to your doctor about your prescriptions.
Whether we’re just born that way or it’s a side effect of insomnia, some of us are more sensitive to noise at night than others. The temperature of your bedroom can also have an impact on how many winks you get. It’s also believed to be better to have a cool rather than warm bedroom. Some studies have shown that it’s the cooling off effect you experience after drinking warm milk or taking a warm bath that helps you feel sleepy.
You’re A Woman
Women tend to have higher rates of insomnia than men. Research suggests a host of reasons. Certain phases of a woman’s period, pregnancy and menopause all cause hormonal changes that can cause sleeping problems, not to mention the discomfort associated with pregnancy for many and the sleep deprivation often associated with child rearing.
Too Much Napping
You may think you’re doing yourself a favor by taking a nap after a restless night’s sleep. Think again. Experts say that napping during the day decreases your overall drive for sleep, which builds throughout the day, and may make it more difficult for you to fall asleep at night.
Staying In Bed
If you’re trying to sleep but having no luck, do yourself a favor and get out of bed. People tend to think that by sticking it out in bed, rather than getting up and doing something, they at least have a chance of falling asleep. But lingering can increase performance anxiety. After a while you may begin to associate lying in bed with your struggle to fall asleep rather than a restful snooze.
Late Night Eating
Eat a big meal before bedtime and you’re asking for a restless night’s sleep. Your body may be too focused on metabolizing your meal to relax. If the meal happened to be a big plate of pasta you could wind up waking up hungry in the middle of the night. Experts recommend eating snacks throughout the day so you don’t overload at dinner and making sure you don’t hit the hay until at least three hours after dinner.